Weddings and marriages are important cultural markers for any society. What they symbolize and how they are conducted say a lot about what people value. And after over a decade of performing wedding ceremonies, I’ve seen some changes. Here are 10 changes I’ve seen over the last 10 years… 

1. INTRODUCTION OF THE NEWLY MARRIED COUPLE INCLUDES BOTH FIRST NAMES 

Let’s start this post by talking about the end of the ceremony. One of my most favorite lines of the wedding ceremony is that very last thing that I, as the pastor/officiant, get to say. I say, “It is now my great privilege and honor to be the first to introduce to you…” and then traditionally I’d say, “Mr. and Mrs. ‘Husband’s First Name’ and ‘Husband’s Last Name.’” Like, “Mr. and Mrs. Ryan Kimmel!”

But now, more and more couples are moving towards are more egalitarian approach that includes both the bride’s and groom’s first names in the pronouncement, such as “Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe.” I know this stems from a progressive mindset that doesn’t want the bride to lose her identity, but I’m traditional at heart, and so while I honor the couple’s wishes and introduce them as they want, I honestly feel something is lost in this approach. While announcing both names points to the importance of both people, declaring just one name also announces a unity that can only be had in marriage. Also, declaring just the husband’s first name is a pronouncement that he is to be the provider and protector, the head of the household who is to lead in a lovingly sacrificial way.  

But times change and this is just a change I’ve noticed.  

2. FATHER AND MOTHER BOTH GIVE AWAY THE BRIDE 

Normally the father walks the bride down the aisle and then typically he’s the one who “gives away the bride.” A father walking his daughter down the aisle is a bold and beautiful symbol that is the last time he’ll be the one to escort her. That the ceremony begins with the father handing his daughter’s hand over to her new husband is a symbolic act that her new husband is now to be the one to care and provide for her, as her father has done her whole life up until this moment. It’s a powerful culmination of all that father has done for his daughter.

Now, more and more, I am still seeing just the father walk the bride down the aisle and when they approach the awaiting husband, the mother will stand up and join in the “giving away” of the daughter. I fully understand the desire of the mother to be part of this, after all – she helped raise her daughter at least just as much.

The misfire of all of this is that this is to be a symbol of her (the bride’s) hand going from one man to another man’s hand; two men whose love for her should be marked by support, kindness, providing, protecting, and sacrificial leadership. There is no harm when a mother joins in the “giving away of the bride,” and of course I’ve seen this done is very meaningful ways. I just think there is something profoundly special when a father hands his daughter’s hand to another man that he trusts to take over his place as the number one man in her life.  

But times change and this is just a change I’ve noticed.  

3. A NEW UNITY CEREMONY 

So, traditionally the unity of the marriage was symbolized in the candle-lighting ceremony. Two smaller candles stand beside a larger candle in the middle. The two smaller candles represent the bride and groom, respectively. The unity is when they each take their flame and blend it together as they light the larger candle, and then extinguish their own candles. At which point, I would then say, “As the two flames become one, may you be one in name and destiny…” or something like that.  

I’ve been seeing this tradition exchanged for something else: the marriage license being signed during the ceremony. While we miss the visual symbolism of “two becoming one” that the candles represent, what we can see is an elevation of the legal aspect of the marriage, when the wedding ceremony is often more focused on the spiritual.  It’s an interesting switch, but I will say that the legal focus still demonstrates unity.

But times change and this is just a change I’ve noticed.  

4. GROOM AND BRIDE SEEING EACH OTHER BEFORE THE CEREMONY 

These days, I’m seeing wedding pictures being taken before the wedding ceremony. Yes, pictures were always taken before the ceremony, but what has changed is this now includes ‘couple shots,’ and so the bride and groom see each other before the ceremony to take pictures. While taking all the pictures before the wedding shortens that often painfully-awkwardly-long time between the ceremony and the reception (the time when when pictures traditionally happen), what is lost is that moment when the groom is standing ready at the front of the church, next to me (the pastor) and all his groomsmen, and I see the look in his eyes when the doors open at the back of the sanctuary and for the first time that day he sees his bride and she is in her wedding dress, sparkling like he’s never seen before…and then he cries!

But times change and this is just a change I’ve noticed.  

5. FAMILY/FRIENDS ARE INTERMINGLED ON BOTH SIDES OF THE AISLE  

Another change I’ve noticed is that there is no longer the designated side of the aisle which friends and family sit. You know what I mean; the family and friends of the bride sit on “her side” and the family and friends of the groom sit on “his side.”  

Immediate family still sits on their respective sides, but these days, I am seeing guests and friends ‘just sit wherever.’ While a level of tradition is lost, what I can appreciate is that there is mutual support being given to both couples on their big day. 

But times change and this is just a change I’ve noticed.  

Read Part 2 Here